Why should I destroy My'SELF'?
Nice Question. This was a beautiful question I was asked today, by a very good hearted person, while we were talking about Shiv Ratri. This Question was reply to my statement that - Being ferociously devoted towards God, or Shiva will help you to destroy yourself and ShivRatri helps you to get there.
Now, that such question has come up today and so i had to review my stand, and search within myself why i have arrived at this statement.
Nice Question. Why I always think of destroying MySELF? Can't I live Normally like others, Just Be Happy, Contented, and Keep people around me Happy and Go on?
Why is it that I am bent upon killing mySELF?
Am not talking about destroying this physical vegetative body. Coz, I've understood that its not ME. Am taking about my other Identities, which ever gets created in Mind. Coz, I do know that the Mind is also Not ME. Mind just helps me to do certain activities for betterment of survival. Its a system of inputs given by Five Sense Organs. Based on the info from these sense organs, Mind provides the best option to act in any given situation. Since it goes on giving options i.e. 'n' options in a moment we think that the mind is 'YOU'. To know operation of the mind - Meditate. Watch the thoughts. Then we can realize that even if you don't do anything i.e. do any action based on the thoughts, the thoughts still continue to come on & on & on. It Never stops.
This I want to destroy.
In order to freeze my thoughts the option available for me is Bhakti, Love and Surrender.
Coz, I can definitely live this way of life, i.e. just go on living, Happy, Keep others happy and Die one day. But I am not getting few questions answered.
Like,
What is the origin of Human Life?
Why our Body shape is like this?
How it was designed?
Why it was designed?
How just two very small cells - A SPERM and An OVUM get together to create a whole physical vegetative body which contains a Heart, a Brain, Bones, Blood, Liver, Kidney, Ears, Eyes etc. etc. From where does all these come from? From those TWO CELLS? Or someone adds this to them over a period of time?
Why we are given only 2 eyes? Why not 4? It would have been better right?
Why only 2 Hands? Why not 4? We could have done our jobs better right?
Why our body is made Oxygen deficient? Why not our blood is already filled with Permanent Oxygen content, so that we don't need to have it from external source?
What is pain? Why it occurs? If we remove the connection of pain making sensory organs with brain, won't there be any pain?
What is brain? Is it our controlling processor?
Why the reproduction area is near the excretion area? Does it mean that reproduction is waste?
Why only one phallus to a male human? Why not just one of our fingers bulge out and grow to reproduce or similarly, why a female human doesn't have a hole near her stomach direct to ovary instead of using the excretory organ?
Is this the way we Walk or is it a trained practice from childhood - similar to talking?
i.e. we talk in a specific SOUND FORM and we give a meaning to it - calling it as Language. This is taught to us like that to produce sounds in a certain format for better understanding and communication. Is walking etc. other activities is something like that? Say for eg. If we would have been taught to walk with our hands, or taught to jump and hop like monkeys - would we have been moving around that way? Is it just a training that - One fine morning one of our predecessor - a Human animal started walking this way with his/her legs and we are just following it at our convenience? Because everything we do in our life today is either taught in school or taught by parents - NOT LEARNT. Very few things we learn by ourselves. If we would have been walking with hands, we might have manufactured a cycle that is pedalled with hands - Mite be YES ???
Why do I sleep? If this body needs rest - Then why should i do some activity? But if there is no activity, again the body is going to a bad physical condition. It needs activity and also it needs rest.
Is the Sleep Real and this being Awake is a Dream state?
Or
Is this Awake state is real and Sleep is the Dream state?
So many questions....
We just live in the senses and thoughts. Then where is my LIFE? The so called - I am a Living Being - Then where is my LIFE? Or is this LIFE is ?
Any action should have a reason. Or is it that my mind is conditioned that there should always be a reason for any action? Well whatever, If at all the TWO CELLS which are microscopic, can create a whole BIG, Movable, Self Functioning OBJECT called Human, Is it a SELF STIMULATED PROCESS?
Or
If it is controlled by an External Force- Say in our case - GOD - Why he is doing it?
What is the purpose of all these actions?
What is He / She / Object / Energy getting out of it? Is it a a SELFISH action?
Why should I be doing all these actions for so many days till I am thrown out of this Physical vegetative piece called Body, termed as Death?
Not only me, every human on this planet is doing so many activities without a reason?
What is GOD getting out of this World / Earth and this People?
What is the Purpose of Creation?
I definitely accept the fact that Humans are the Best Design available on this earth. Some believe that everything is created by GOD and some say it is evolution by Nature. Different Philosophies. But No one has concrete answers. When we are given such a beautiful design in sync with other elements present in the nature, is it really the purpose to use it only for our survival.
The survival will definitely happen, even if we don't learn computers and live in a highly advanced technological surrounding. We can survive without even languages, culture, and various other things. This we call it a CIVILIZATION, for better living. This forward thought has taken human from stone age to this mobile phones age.
All these questions are not coming out of my laziness to earn money, social status and other things. I definitely can do such things. But - THE PURPOSE? I feel the purpose is lost.
I can see that we are born and till date we are not able to prove HOW and WHY it happens?
We have just created philosophies - called RELIGION and SCIENCE. Earlier is based purely on Belief and Latter on experimenting. But both have failed to define clearly the TRUTH (Might be till date).
It is not just a sperm and ovum has transformed into a Human and now writing all these. No, I don't accept that. Reality of BIRTH is not yet revealed.
Similarly, we are not able to Prove what DEATH is.
But it is REALITY, and everyone accepts it.
There is a clear pattern. Where in a so called LIFE or SOUL enters this body, it is called Birth. Life or Soul is just a name given to that unidentifiable or Non understandable property. Hence I will call it as a PROPERTY. This Property is Getting IN and Getting OUT, over a stipulated frame of reference - TIME. The Property travels, and only the physical elements of the Body changes in size and mass but the Property remains same. Even this physical change in mass and size is due to accumulation of elements available from this earth, and we call it as FOOD. When the Property leaves the physical vegetation, it is called Death. The vegetative part, then gets converted to another form, on this earth. Either it is turned to ashes or it is becoming food for micro and few macro organisms.
Now, if I am here just to survive, grow this body physically and let this become ashes or food for other organisms - there is no purpose behind it. Coz just to grow the body, eat , Die and have sexual satisfaction, I could have very well been an animal. Coz animals are far better in that. Why such a body structure required, just to collect things available on this earth and leave everything again back here?
There should be some other purpose.
Am not here to do all these things. There should be something else, which has to be identified.
Am here using this piece of land and space to sit, stand and lie down. Tomorrow after this death coming to my body, someone else will be here in the same place and do the same thing. Tomorrow, He/She will be using My car, My office, My bed, My silver plate, My cot, My pen, My Gold chain, My computer, My chair, My wallet, My house, My bath room, My Money, My gas stove, My Dog, My Movie DVDs, My Snack box, My Bike etc etc. Even my tooth brush can be used to clean up the successor's wash basin. I Hope atleast no one will use my underwear.
So, tomorrow where do I GO?
Everything else remains, even the closest of the closest people who lived with me.
So, it looks like a simple life with reference to time. I just meet people in the journey.
Its like a train journey. Some travel for short distance. Some for longer distance. And some continue to travel even after you get down the train. While travelling, you talk to everyone in the journey. Enjoy with them. Crack jokes, Play, Have fun. i.e. you keep yourself happy. But when they get down, they get down. And when you get down, they continue to travel.
Similarly in life you spend time with people, some short ( call it as friends, colleagues, etc.) some long( Parents, relationships etc.). But when you Go, you GO. Rest of the people continue to Live. And when others Go, you continue to LIVE.
But what is this COMING and GOING?
From WHERE to WHERE?
Why such a sophisticated travelling vehicle called BODY?
What is the purpose of this journey?
One thing is sure - Wherever you travel, say to the mountains, or valleys, or deserts, or oceans, or landscapes, or upstairs or downstairs, or to temples, or to a pub, or to a park or to a cinema - the TRUTH is you are always walking towards your grave. Might be we travel through so many different roads to reach there, and on the way we walk to the school, to the house, to the bath room, to the temple, to the park, to the mountains, to the desert, to the ocean, etc etc. we finally stop only in the grave. All these places we see are just the places come in our way of travel and we see them before we finally stop in the grave.
With such a beautiful design of body - Human needs nothing else. But then why people die?
One thing is clear - The real purpose of Human Life is not known. And all this chaos in the world is REAL STUPID ACTIVITY created in the name of Religion, Education, and Racism.
Though am not getting the answer to this question - What is the real purpose, Am at least clear that all these happening on this earth today is NOT the real purpose.
Or it can even be a SELFISH activity of the so called creator - GOD.
Like, We humans have a reason to plant a seed and allow the tree to grow fully and yield a FRUIT, so that We can eat it for OUR SURVIVAL.
Similarly Why not God Plant a LIFE in this Physical Body, and make it Grow both physically and intellectually, and take the experienced and powerful LIFE out of the body? God might be using the LIFE after the so called Death, for His / Her own purpose as we eat the final fruit of the tree for our survival purpose.
All this setup might be a game plot, activated by a specific code which will have Sun, Moon, Plants other living beings, and Humans might also be a part of this design.
Who knows?
And who knows, what am writing now may also be a part of the game coding - that I have to think like this and write like this.
So many questions unanswered....
Or is Death the Nearest Reality available for a HUMAN BEING to know the Reality.
Yes, I can hear you telling, LIFE is also the nearest Reality available. But I am not able to make out anything out of the pattern. I have attempted the blank mental states, but yet to probe in those lines. The blank mental states, I sometimes refer to as Mental death. Even if I get anything out of that vacuum, I have to die to this moment. i.e. Die Unto Myself, to know the reality. So, to Die, I need to destroy myself.
Now, since I am left with not much of options, I finally feel that DEATH, the nearest available reality whether its of physical or mental states, can be a key to the mysteries. And Mental states can be collapsed - i.e. the 'I'ness can be destroyed only by Bhakti, Love and Surrender to the Lord and we call it SHIVA.
So, I can definitely think about DESTROYING MY'SELF'. The only possibility available to Human.
